I
can’t handle this. Why I’m the only one who can’t love? Why
anyone loves me? I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she just
left me, but I’m not sad because of her. I know I’m not going to
miss her, I just realized that I wasn't in love; but I wasn’t brave
enough to tell her the truth, and now I regret everything happened
last months. Vivi has gone, and now I can’t help thinking about how
selfish I’ve been. Vivi has loved me, and I didn’t show any love
for her. I still listen what she just said while looking at me with
her green eyes covered by tears, what she has been feeling: “Niall,
I love you. But you don’t love me, and it’s so hard to be like
that. I can’t be with you. I’d love to, but I can’t”.
I’m never good enough for anyone.
I
just left her house, and Liam is driving me home. I have tears in my
eyes, but I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to love and
be loved. I don’t think I’ve ever love someone, and it doesn’t
make me feel better. I want to have romantic dinners with the girl I
love, I want to hug her, kiss her, and stop the time just to look at
her. I want to feel in love, but I’m shy, and it doesn’t help at
all.
I
always wonder why girls prefer the other boys instead of me. Zayn and
Harry are always with new girls, having fun, and Louis and Liam seem
so happy with their girlfriends. When I go to Liam’s house, I
always see Chloe there, and the same happens in Louis’ house.
They’re always together, and they look really in love. I can’t
help but being jealous, not because I love Chloe or Olivia, but
because I’d like to be in a relationship like theirs.
Vivi
and I never were in love. At first, when I asked her for a date, I
thought I could fall in love, because she is really nice, and I liked
her. But I didn’t realize that I only liked the illusion of being
with someone. Sometimes I just think that something is wrong with me;
something is wrong with my mind.
After
leaving with her, I realize a lot of things, and I don’t know if
I’ll be able to live knowing them; maybe I wasn’t made to love
anyone, maybe I wasn’t made to live.
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