Chapter 6. Moving on!

Niall's POV

I have called Harry, Louis, Zayn, and of course Liam. I told them that I'm coming back home, at last. They all said they're happy because of me, because at last I'm me again.

Harry also told me that I should do a party in my house; “Come on Niall! We have something to celebrate”. At last I gave up and I said yes. He shouts and then I don't know how we end up laughing. “I love this crazy guy” I think to myself.

I'm in my room, but I'm doing nothing at all, just listening to music. I see a tree though the window; the reddish light of the twilight makes the tree to look like if it was from another world, just different.

I take off my clothes and I lay in my bed while looking to the walls around me. I don't know what to do, but without wanting to I take my guitar and I start writing a song. “I want to feel loved” that's the name of the song. After two hours writing I've finished it. I like it, but I don't think we'll put in the next album. I feel like it's mine, and I don't want to share it.

At last, when the bell rings, I go downstairs after putting my clothes on again. I open the door and there's Harry, smiling like always. “Hey Niall!” he says and comes on like if this was his house, but I'm use to that. He sits on the black and red sofa and I sit on the other one.

He looks at me smiling and at last says “So??”. I don't know what he wants to know. Anything has changed if you ignore the fact that I'm at home again. “I have met a girl” he says at last. I never thought about Harry and a girl. Okay. He's a cheeky boy, but he never has been in love. He just wants to have fun. “A special one?” I ask him. He smiles looking at the ground, so I know that yes, she's special.

We spend the night talking about that girl, and what he feels.

But I'm tired, and as tomorrow we're gonna do a party, I go bed soon. Harry is going to stay at my home tonight, because I asked him. I don't wanna stay at home alone, not tonight.

I lay in my bed, but I can't sleep. I don't know the reason, but I'm nervous because of tomorrows party.

At last I get up and I go downstairs. I drink some water and then I start going to my room again. But when I pass by Harry's room and I stop. I open the door slowly and Harry looks at me. “Can't you sleep?” he asks me, and I say no. I'm not going to lie. “Come here” he says, and I lay by his side.

I hear his breathing going slower, and that sound makes me feel relaxed, so at last I fall asleep.

The next morning I wake up, and when I go to have breakfast Louis, Harry, Liam and Zayn are there. We eat breakfast together, like when we were living together.

This makes me remember about "The X Factor". I still it like if it was yesterday when they put us into One Direction. I look at those guys eating the breakfast, and I help but smiling. They're my life right now. They're my best friends.

"Niall?" Liam asks me because I've been in silence and without eating anything for a while. I look at him and he smiles. We both start laughing so hard that at last we five end up laughing.

"What were you thinking about?" Liam asks me when we all sit on the sofas to watch TV. He looks at me, and at last I say "About us. About The X Factor". He smiles and says "I also think a lot about it. About us"

Sorrehh

Hello girls!
I know I haven't posted anything for a while, but I'm studying for my final exams...I feel bad for you, because I know you want to read the next chapter, and I really want to finish it. So please forgive me..Sorry.
But I have a good new: I'm going to post it this weekend. I PROMISE!!
If you have any question or something, tweet me (I'm @LovingNiam1D ) Or just send me a message! :)
I love you & thanks for reading!

Chapter 5: I'm Niall Horan.

Niall's POV

I hear a cry. I look around, but I can't see anything. Everything is black, dark. I move. One step. Two steps. “Come on Niall”I encourage myself. I walk without seeing, because I'm trying to find who is crying. Suddenly the cry is behind me. I turn around quickly, but with fear of what I will see. But I'm in a party. In that party. I look to the other side of the room; I see her. “What is she doing here?” I ask myself. Vivi shouldn't be here. It's my dream. Only mine.
However, I look at her again. “This is just a dream” I remember myself. But is not just a normal dream, it's the first time we talked. She smiles at me, and all the feelings come back like a rock, trying to destroy my heart. I feel about to cry; but her smile makes me strong. I walk up to her without wanting to. She smiles. I smile.
Everyone around disappeared, and now we're looking the starts. “The first time I kissed her” I remember. She is smiling. I'm smiling. I look to the ground shyly. I remember I did that when this really happened. I see our hands; I'm holding hers. She makes me look at her. I feel happy again. Vivi's lips look soft. I want to kiss her again. I want to feel what I felt when I did. Butterflies. She caresses my check, and this is when I should kiss her, but... “Niall” She says, but with Zayn's voice. I look at her surprised. “Niall” I hear Zayn again...

“Wake up Niall” Zayn says. I open my eyes, and there's Zayn looking at me. I close and open my eyes twice and then I ask with a morning voice “What Zayn?”. Did I sound angry? I don't care, he wake up me... in the best part of the dream?...I'm confused, I thought I didn't feel anything for Vivi, but those dreams, always the same.

“I have to go” Zayn says, but he looks hurt. I don't care. “Liam is looking for you” he tells me; and this is the moment when I feel selfish and bad. I care if Zayn looks hurt, I care if any of my friends look hurt. Why am I treating Zayn like that?

“Zayn, sorry” I tell him. I look at the ground, I don't want him to see me crying, not again. “Hey, Niall...” he starts saying while making me look at his eyes. “It's okay. It was just a dream” he says at last. I hug him. I don't know what I would do without Zayn, without them all...

At last, after convincing him that I'm okay, Zayn leaves the house. I eat something and then I also leave it. I walk to my old house; I haven't been there since I moved to live with Liam. And I still don't know if I'd be able to go and stay there, but that's what I want. I'm going to forget the past and live the present.

I slowly open the door, but before seeing anything I feel the tears falling down my cheeks. Calm down Niall, I tell myself, I know I'll okay so I take a deep breath and I open the door. I walk slowly, step by step. I smile. I remember all the things happened here: the day I came with Liam to move here; that party with the boys; the afternoon I spent with Louis laughing all the time; the day Liam introduced me her new girlfriend Chloe; that special dinner with the boys; the days when I didn't do anything at all...

I look around with all the memories across my mind and I smile even more. I don't know how I left this place, my place; I'm not going to leave again. Unless I find that girl I'm waiting for...but that's another story. I'm happy again; I'm me again; I'm Niall Horan. 

Chapter 4: Not yet...

Zayn’s POV

Niall came to my house because he needed to talk, but what he doesn’t know is that I also need to talk, but he needs support, so I’m not going to tell him anything, not today. He came really worried few hours ago. I saw tears in his eyes, tears about to fall, but when he saw me he smiled at me, as he always does. I hugged him inmediately, and I made him to go to the sofa.

We've been talking for a lot of time. We've been talking about him, about what he feels, about what he's been feeling lately. Now, he is asleep on my sofa, but I’m not going to wake him up. He needs to sleep, because at last he wasn’t sad. He was just confused.

I go upstairs after covering Niall with a blanket. I stay looking at him for a while, because he is smiling, not with his fake smile but with his best smile. That smile he has when he is really happy.

At last I arrive to my room, and I lie in my bed. I take my phone and I call Agita. We’re not dating. Not yet. I always think that, but we’re really good friends, and when I can’t sleep I always call her. She is my best friend, even if I'd love to be something more. I don't know since when, but I think I'm in love. I can't even explain how I feel every time I see her perfect smile, her beautiful eyes...

Agita doesn't take the call, so I guess she's asleep. Damn. I don't want her to be asleep. I want to hear her voice, that's the only thing that would make me smile right now. I try calling her again, but I suppose she muted her for phone because she knows that I always call her.

I feel really selfish now, I shouldn't call her when I know she's sleeping, but even if I know that I want to wake her up. But she knows me, and that's why she muted her phone. She must be really tired to do that, so I'm not going to try again.

I take the blankets and I cover myself with them. I lie for hours looking through the window because I can't sleep. I can't see the stars from here, but I see the moon, shining in the middle of the black sky. I imagine Agita by my side, smiling at me with her beautiful smile. Her eyes looking at me while I approach her. I smile once more and at last my lips are so near hers. I feel her breath on my lips...

I wake up in the morning because of the sunlight. I remember that dream with her because I wake up with a smile on my lips, and the best feeling in my heart; and I can't help but thinking that I have to tell her what I feel, I really have to do something; but not yet.

I put my clothes on, and I go downstairs. I find Niall on the sofa, still sleep. Since Vivi and he left is the first time I see Niall sleeping quietly; he is not smiling, but I see that he is about to smile. The best feeling is to see that your friend is getting better, and that's what I see when I look at the sleepy Niall; because even if he isn't smiling, he hasn't tears falling down his cheeks.

I'm already in the kitchen when I hear my phone, which is in my room. As I think Agita is calling me, I go upstairs running, that fast that I almost fall on the stars. I finally arrive to my room and I take my phone and I answer the call “Hello love” I say, because I think is Agita. “Hello?” I hear someone else saying. I feel embarrassed while Liam says “Zayn, since when we don't talk? We should”. I laugh, because I didn't tell anyone what I feel about Agita, but I don't know if I should. “Vas happein' Liam?” I ask him trying to change the topic. “I was wondering how's Niall” he says, and I tell him everything we talked about last night Niall and I. We talked about that at last he understood that he doesn't have to look for anyone, he knows that his perfect girl will come, he only has to wait.

“At last good news” he says. It would be a good answer, but I see he is not saying all the true, or maybe yes. I just see that what he is saying has something more... “Liam, what happened” I ask him worried. I only hear silence since he says with a broken voice “Lately I haven't been good enough for Chloe”. I didn't expect that, they look really in love when I see them. Every time caressing, kissing, holding hands... I have to confess that I've been jealous of their relationship, I just can't believe what Liam is saying.

“Zayn...?” Liam asks, because I've been in silence for a while, thinking. “What? Oh, yeah...” I stop. I look around; I don't know what for, maybe trying to find the words to say on the walls. I take a deep breath and start saying “Liam, Chloe left you?” I ask. I can't believe it. “No. No. But that's what I think” he answers.

I talk to him for an hour, trying to convince him that he is a good boyfriend. What he think is that he has been caring for Niall too much... I tell him what I think. “Chloe also loves Niall. We all love Niall. And what he needs now is our support. I bet Chloe understands that; and if she doesn't...” I don't finish the sentence, I don't want to finish it, but if she doesn't... She wouldn't be a good girlfriend for Liam. 

CHAPTER 3: Where are you?

Liam’s POV

I see Niall leaving the house with a sad face. I don’t know what more to do to help him. I feel so frustrated because I can’t help him. “Liam, is not your fault” Chloe says, and makes me smile. She always makes me smile when talks, when looks at me, when she is with me. “I know” I answer her, but I don’t feel better, I’d love to do something for Niall. I don’t wanna see him sad, I love him, and it’s heartbreaking to see him like that.

He didn’t tell me why he is sad, but I understand. He is like a brother to me, and I know almost everything he thinks about. I know he doesn’t miss Vivi, I know he didn’t love her, and I also know that he wants to love and be loved. I understand those things because of how he looks at me when I’m with Chloe, I see his pain face.

I lie on my bed, under the blankets and Chloe lies by my side. I hug her strongly into my arms, and I kiss her on the lips. Her lips always make me feel alive, safe. “I love you. You’re the sunshine of my life.” I tell her, reminding her what I feel, I like to see her lips smiling every time I tell her that I love her. And now she also smiles and says “I love you too”, but she doesn’t know how much it means to me. She just made me feel the happiest man alive, the happiest and luckiest man off all the times.

We stay in my bed; I'm hugging her, and her arms are also around me. I feel the gentle preassure of her lips on my chest. I'm caressing her arm and back, just enjoying the moment, because I love being with her, I love every second we spend together.

At last I feel her breath turning slowly, and I know she’s already asleep. But I can’t sleep, I’m scared of Niall; I don’t want him to be sad, and I’m gonna tell him everything I feel, I think he should know it.

I go out of my bed, trying not to wake up Chloe. She looks lovely when she is asleep, she looks lovely always. She is smiling in a dream when I walk away from her to go to Niall's room. I slowly open the door, and I try to see in the darkness, but I don't see anything, so I turn the light on. He’s not in his bed so I guess he felt asleep on the sofa. I go downstairs, but he isn’t there. I start to worry about him. I don’t know where is he, or if something bad happened.

I call Louis. “Lou, is Niall there?” I ask him, before saying anything. He seems to be also asleep, because he waits a moment and then asks “Niall? No, he isn’t here”. I end the conversation, and call Harry. I’m getting worried every second. “Hi?” Harry asks, and I at the moment know he also was asleep. “Niall is there?” I ask worried, but Harry also says no. I don’t know what more to do, so I continue calling people. I call Zayn, and he answers quickly “Zayn here”. I don’t know why he always says that. “Hey Zayn, is Niall with you?” I ask him, and he says yes. Finally I know where is he.

I talk to Niall for a while, but the first thing I tell him is "Niall, I was really worried, don't do anything like that again" he waits a moment to reply, but at last says "Sorry Liam". We talk for a while, and he tells me that he went to Zayn’s house because he wanted to talk to someone. I feel terrible right now, I haven’t been a good friend for Niall. He says goodbye and ends the conversation.

I feel terrible. I should be there for Niall, he was there for me when I needed a friend. I feel like I'm not a good friend.

"Liam, you're a good friend" Chloe says with her beautiful smile. I never know how she knows what I'm thinking, but that conection is something special. I've never had something like that with anyone else. "I'm not" I reply her at last. She stops smiling and comes up to me. Her arms are around my neck, and her lips touch mine softly. "You are" she says after the kiss, and then says without letting me saying anything else "You need to sleep, that's all". 

She takes my hand and goes upstairs making me to follow her. We end on my bed again; I hug her and while I fall asleep I can't stop thinking about Niall. But at last, I know my last thought is Chloe. She's the last thing I think about before sleeping, and she's the first after waking up.

Chapter two: Who's she?

It’s already afternoon, and Liam and I are in the sitting room waiting to Chloe and her friend. Louis is also coming, but we don’t know when, he will just appear in our house. Liam is on twitter; I haven’t been on twitter for a while, but my fans are used to that. Anyway I take my phone and I go on, just because that’s the less I can do for them. I don’t want to answer some question, so I just tweet random fans and follow some. They always make me smile, they’re as crazy as we are, and that’s the best. They love us, and we love them; that’s all. I’m tweeting some fans when the ring bells, and Liam goes and open the door. I see him kissing Chloe on her lips with the biggest smile he has. He always smiles when he sees her. I wanna feel like that. Chloe also smiles shyly at him, and her dimple comes out. Liam caresses her curly hair while smiles looking at her beautiful brown eyes. The only thing I can see is that they're in love.

I also get up from the sofa, while I leave the phone. I kiss Chloe on the check, and she smiles while says “Hello Niall”. She always looks at me smiling; but sometimes that makes me feel even more sad, because she thinks she has to do something for the poor Niall.

I don’t want to watch the match with them, but anyway I do it. But when we are watching it I realize that the girl Liam said will come isn't here. “Chloe, where’s your friend?” I ask her, and she and Liam look at me speechless; didn’t they expect me to talk? At last she says to me, again smiling “She just had a fight with her ex boyfriend, and she didn’t want to come” . I feel bad because of she, nobody deserves to be fighting with anyone, and less if that’s your ex.

I surprise myself thinking about how that girl would look like, how that girl would be right now. I surprise myself because for a moment I forget every feeling, I forget all the bad moments crying in my bed, and I just think about that girl.

I imagine her crying on her bed, thinking about her ex, and hating everyone around. I’d love to go and hug her, but I don’t even know who’s she, I don’t even know her name. So I ask myself, who’s she? And, why I’m thinking all the time about her?

As I’m only thinking about her, and I’m not watching the match I start asking Chloe things about her. And she answers all the questions with a smile, the same smile Liam has. Her name is Holly, she is same old as me. She has dark blonde hair, green eyes, and freckles. As Chloe said “Her freckles are lovely”” and I don’t know why I just wanna see her, and her loveliness.

After the match, Liam and Chloe go to Liam’s room, with smiles on their lips and as I don’t want to hear them I go out to have a walk under the stars. I’d love to talk with Louis, he always understands me, but he didn’t come, so I suppose he is with Olivia. They’re always together. I remember the day Louis met Olivia for the first time.

-flashback-

I’m on the party, with the boys, Chloe and Vivi. We’re just having fun when I see a girl who was one of my best friends when I lived in Mullingar. “Olivia!!” I shout above the music noise. She turns around and when she sees me I see her beautiful smile again. She runs up to me and hugs me strongly. “Hey Niall” she says while looks at me with her beautiful brow eyes. I remember that we always were together, I liked to be with her. She is such a good and nice girl. She starts looking around, untill she sees Louis, and he smiles to her. I see Olivia’s checks turning red. “Are you blushing because of Louis?” I ask her, and she nods while smiles shyly. I introduce Louis and Olivia and they start talking.

When we are about to go, Louis asks me to stay more time, so I say yes, and we stay for a while. I don't know what do you. Vivi, is trying to take me to dance, but I'm tired, so she sits on my lap, and hugs me. From where we are, I see Louis and Olivia dancing. Seems like they're having fun with each other. I could say that they like each other.

At the end of the night I see Louis giving his number to her and I hear him saying while we leave the club “Call me Olivia”. I see him smiling, and she smiles back while we leave the club. Louis looks at her untill he can't, and then continues walking with a big smile on his lips.

When we arrive home, Louis comes to my room and sits on the bed while smiles. “Niall, thanks” he says, but I don’t know what is he talking about; but he continues talking “I think I’ll fall in love… Isn’t she perfect?”

-End flashback-

I walk since I arrive to a park, and I sit in a bench. And I start thinking, like all those months, I can’t stop doing it. But this time I don’t only think about me, and why I’m so unhappy. I also think about that girl I don’t even know, that girl who’s name is Holly. I’d love to meet her, but I can’t understand why, I don’t understand what’s happening.

Is my heart beating for someone who I don’t know? Does the destiny will make me to meet her someday? I can’t stop asking me those things, but I don’t want to know the answers, I’m scared of everything related with love.

Chapter 1: Still Thinking...

Two months later…

Since Vivi left me, I moved to live with Liam, and now we live together. I’m not happy at all, but I try to live for the music, because I’m living “my dream”, and I should love and enjoy it. I don’t do anything, I just spend the days on my bed with my guitar, writing songs. Liam is worried about me, and it’s so annoying, so I asked him to go to see a football match, but he said that he prefers to watch it on TV, so he invited Chloe, his girlfriend, to watch it with us. I hate how he has to do everything with her, but I try to understand it. I know he loves Chloe with all his heart, and I should be happy because of him.

“Niall!” he shouts from the sitting room. I dress up myself, but I’m just wearing chinos and a polo when I go downstairs. Liam is on the phone with Chloe, I suppose, they’re arguing about something when I hear him saying my name before saying “he is not gonna like it”. But he sees me and smiles while says “Babe, I’ll call you later”. He ends the conversation, and looks at me with a fake smile on his lips. I know he is tired of me, and that’s why I asked him to watch a football match with me. I want to be like I was before knowing all the things that have changed my live. “What where you talking about Liam?” I ask him, and I know he is not going to lie about it, he never lies to me. “Chloe has one friend, who is sad, and she wants to take her out. She is also coming to watch the match, if you don’t care” he says at last. He is looking around, because he doesn’t want to look at me. I wonder why is that girl he is talking about sad, I don’t like when girls are sad. “I don’t care” I say, even if I think isn’t a good idea for me to see girls, but I’m going to do something for him. Liam looks at me smiling this time.

Suddenly he hugs me strongly and says “I’m here Niall, no matter what”. I hug him back, but when someone reminds me that I’m not fine, like now, I feel the tears about to fall down my checks. But I’m also happy, because I know that what he is saying is true; Liam is a good friend, and he is not going to leave me alone, he will always stay by my side, he will always be there for me. “Thanks Liam” I say, almost crying. He hugs me more strongly and then starts laughing to take off the bad feelings of the moment; but what he doesn’t know is that I need him, he has always helped me, and I don’t know what to give him back. I should think about something, I remember to myself.

Liam goes to the kitchen, and I go back to my room. I sit again on my bed and I take the guitar, but I don’t want to play it; I’m tired of my live, I’m tired of being here alone all the day. I’m tired of waking up all the morning without wanting to; I’m tired of being thinking about me all the day.

Why can’t I be happy? I can’t answer this, but I swear someone is having fun looking how I go down, how I blame myself for not being good enough. Why I keep blaming myself? What have I done? Why can’t I be me?... They’re too many questions which answers I don’t know, maybe I don’t want to know them, but I’m tired of being someone else; I want to be myself again. I want to be happy again…

Why? Why? Why?

I can’t handle this. Why I’m the only one who can’t love? Why anyone loves me? I can’t stop thinking about the fact that she just left me, but I’m not sad because of her. I know I’m not going to miss her, I just realized that I wasn't in love; but I wasn’t brave enough to tell her the truth, and now I regret everything happened last months. Vivi has gone, and now I can’t help thinking about how selfish I’ve been. Vivi has loved me, and I didn’t show any love for her. I still listen what she just said while looking at me with her green eyes covered by tears, what she has been feeling: “Niall, I love you. But you don’t love me, and it’s so hard to be like that. I can’t be with you. I’d love to, but I can’t”. I’m never good enough for anyone.

I just left her house, and Liam is driving me home. I have tears in my eyes, but I can’t stop thinking about how much I want to love and be loved. I don’t think I’ve ever love someone, and it doesn’t make me feel better. I want to have romantic dinners with the girl I love, I want to hug her, kiss her, and stop the time just to look at her. I want to feel in love, but I’m shy, and it doesn’t help at all.

I always wonder why girls prefer the other boys instead of me. Zayn and Harry are always with new girls, having fun, and Louis and Liam seem so happy with their girlfriends. When I go to Liam’s house, I always see Chloe there, and the same happens in Louis’ house. They’re always together, and they look really in love. I can’t help but being jealous, not because I love Chloe or Olivia, but because I’d like to be in a relationship like theirs.

Vivi and I never were in love. At first, when I asked her for a date, I thought I could fall in love, because she is really nice, and I liked her. But I didn’t realize that I only liked the illusion of being with someone. Sometimes I just think that something is wrong with me; something is wrong with my mind.

After leaving with her, I realize a lot of things, and I don’t know if I’ll be able to live knowing them; maybe I wasn’t made to love anyone, maybe I wasn’t made to live.

Hello curls!

Hello everyone reading this! 

I'm here because I'm going to write a fanfic about One Direction (obviously)!

So the fanfic is going to be from different POVs, but the main character is going to be Niall (I guess, I'm still writing it)...So hopefully you'll like it, and you'll enjoy reading it.

If you have any suggest or anything contact me via twitter, I'm @LovingNiam1D :)

That's all!

Thanks for reading, love you all! :)